Dancing between the raindrops

"You look good girl."

"Always so full of life."

"You're not ok? But you were just on a trip!"

Now I'm no pretender.

But let me tell you. Life has had me at gunpoint. On the floor. Crying. Sighing. 

Do or die? 

Serious question I've actually asked myself. 

A girl has been going through it. But this is what you call Dancing Between the Raindrops.

I'm not one to randomly list accomplishments and ALL my wins but some I do share as I'm extremely elated or truly trying to inspire.

Lately, I've been feeling some of the side effects of dreaming big. As you know, every single thing comes with its own set of challenges.

But what when those challenges all seem to be coming at once?

What about when, to realize said dreams, tough decisions, sometimes major decisions have to be made seemingly all at once? 

What about when you're feeling overwhelmed by all the things that have to be done in rapid succession because of overlapping transition points?

Transition points....we don't talk about those enough. 

The physical moving, the career change or elevation, the added responsibilities, the documents, the emails (my gosh the emails).

Life. 

The options. 

The decision making.

The healing.

The growing.

The hurting. Not just yourself. But of others. 

The nurturing.

The bleeding.

The studying. 

The finances. Yes, let's (not?) talk about the financial cost of dreaming. 

But on my better days, with regenerated energy, I dance between the raindrops.

I lean into my inner happy self.

Not the crying, pessimistic, overwhelmed, fatigued, emotionally drained self.

No, the girl who loves music, selfies, kickboxing, writing, reading mystery novels, exploring new spaces and places and planning trips; the silly girl who will try to make you laugh even if at my own expense.

I lean in.

I frolick. I take pictures. I smile. I laugh.

I lean into my village that has never failed me yet.

I lean into my sometimes dormant but solid belief that God has also never once failed me.

I've felt alone, allowed myself to, needed to, even. But never truly was alone.

I lean into love and laughter whenever I do feel a few pounds lighter from the weight of it all.

All. 'All' means the many aspects of my life that require so much. Sometimes, like recently, I felt like I had nothing to give. Too tired. Too many decisions. Too much uncertainty. To hard. Too soon. Too much.

But what do I do?

I cried. And I did as much as I could when I could. Then cried some more. But then, after a good power talk and new found motivation, I live. I laugh. I live, laugh and love some more. 'Cuz that's life. It's okay to not be ok sometimes. But in the moments you start to feel the slightest bit like yourself again, use the opportunity to propel and continue to excel. In this little big thing called life, you have to learn to dance between the raindrops. 

*United we stand, divided we fall*

When the Doctor Becomes the Patient

Gynae woes:

Part 1:

I recently changed my gynaecologist as I was not convinced my prior one was actually interested in finding a cause of my ongoing issue and I needed answers. After painstakingly searching for one whose practice offered a particular diagnostic procedure that I thought I would possibly need, I was finally able to make an appointment- but it would not be for another 3 weeks. Yes, 3 weeks, the earliest time I could be seen. Okay. 3 weeks. Better than 3 months. Right? Wrong. Let me tell you what I mean.

As if experiencing this issue daily for that wait period wasn't bad enough, the implications of the potential diagnosis nagged me night and day; i'm not gonna lie, this was tough. 

I cried. I Googled. I self medicated. I googled some more. I craved some insight. Another test. A conversation. A defintive diagnosis for sure. 

Having already arranged for coverage for work as my appointment was within my work hours, I grew paradoxically calmer yet more anxious as the date drew near. But imagine my surprise when I woke  up that morning to automated messages and calls saying my appointment was cancelled!What?! How unfair! 

I was likely the first to call the office the moment the clock struck 9. This was the time they were listed as being open- though busy at work, this was all I had on my mind. I might as well have spoken to the bot that left me the automated messages because hello? what was this? Betwen the non-chalance and lack of empathy for my dilemna, I was disapppinted and felt dismissed. Instead of an apology and effort to reschedule as promised by the AI voice recording, I was told very matter of factly that the doctor would not be in.

Ok so when can I be rescheduled to see her this week? Oh she's fully booked for the month and will be overseas thereafter, this is a very busy practice that she keeps. 

So who am I being rescheduled with? No forthcoming response; then after much prodding was offered to see a midlevel , then a male specialist, but of neither options was I calmed. 

Would it not be common courtesy to reschedule me with the provider I specifically requested? Was that too much to ask? Plus an apology for abruptly cancelling on the day of an appointment, was that too much of a task? Is there any voice for patients to speak against unprofessionalism, maybe some hidden treaty or clause? I'm tired of being treated less than human, just because.

I was finally booked with another provider -but not for another week. So now I have to live with this issue still unclear and anxious for the answers that I seek. 

I do wish that was all; but join me for more stories on which I'd like to speak.

*United we stand, divided we fall*

Woo-men

Watch me add to the broken shards of glass

Ceilings women have broken and continue to

Break, we need it between career chasing, child rearing, competing, yet still getting paid 

Less than our other counterparts yet we are greater than even the best 

Of the best, we stay humble, slaying, achieving, doing it 

All between cramps and mood swings, breastfeeding and teething

'Babies' in the work place we're called and other trivialized innuendos, hmmm 

Suspect, suggestive 

Of queens and princesses, warriors and earthly angels

Of soft smiles and warm faces -beware

Woman, girl, she, her

Story after story should continue to be heard

To remove the isolated shock and splendor of accomplishing deeds we do

Everyday as this is simply who we are

We win, we work, we study, we dance, we act

Like we don't face unequal challenges, challenging 

But we rise, wise, with grace and poised

To stand together is my dream, a united gentle force

Women...

Happy International Women's Day🌹

*United we stand, divided we fall*

Birthday Eve -30 Days Until...!

Getting older is often met with a lot of anxiety, sudden change in perspective and even fear. We all dread aging, but guess what? It’s inevitable-we’re all getting there! Botox injections and knee pains aside, except the age of consent, the age at which you’re allowed to drink as well as to drive (not simultaneously please!), age doesn’t really matter. It’s but a number; it all boils down to perception, how you look and groom yourself and how you feel. 

But just in case you’re still increasing your wrinkle lines by being sad or upset about it, here is an ingenious list of a few ways to ease some of the despair leading up to your birthday…

P.S this is no bucket list or venturesome dare but just a few ideas to lighten your mood as the day of your annual ‘getting old’ reminder draws near😊

List of 30 things to do in 30 days before turning 30: (Tick off as you go along)

1.Take and post a pic of 30 things you like

2.Take a 30 minute walk

3.Take a relaxing 30 minute shower/bath

4.Set an appointment for a 30 minute pedicure

5.Take a pic with the number 30

6.Make a list of 30 things you're grateful for (I promise you won’t run out!)

7.Write 30 pages for your 1st book (for those aspiring writers)

8.Do 30 new exercises -1 each day (I an already feel the burn!)

9.Light 30 candles

10.Spend $30 on a book

11.Spend $30 on a meal

12. Spend $30 on an outfit

13.Make a list of 30 things to do while you're 30

14.Spend 30 mins on the phone with your parents.

15.Learn to count to 30 in a new language! (que divertido!)

16.Give out 30 compliments

17.Take a 30 minute nap

18.Do a 30 minute oral presentation (to anyone)on a topic you are passionate about

19.Watch 30 mins of your favorite tv show

20. Read your Bible for 30 mins

21. Write down an important self affirmation on paper 30 times. e.g I am worthy/enough

22. Take 30 minutes to meditate (no phone, tv or other distractions)

23. Read 30 pages of a book you've been meaning to read/continue reading

24. Tell 30 people in your life that you love them 😊

25. Watch 30 movies (yikes)

26. Play a new sport for 30 minutes

27. Find something to volunteer in for 30 minutes 1 day

28. Create and stick to a budget for the next 30 days

29. Spend 30 minutes reviewing your finances-savings, investments, monthly bills including deductibles.

30. Cook a new meal (or bake something) that takes 30 minutes to prepare

Feel free to subsitute 30 with 25 (yes you're getting there too!) 40, 60 or even 80 !(Once you're still able to view this). Also if your birthday has already passed this year then (God's willing) there's always next year!  Have fun!

P.S In 30 days -on my 30th birthday -I’ll share just how many I managed to do!

Try it! Instead of dreading getting older, try having some silly but challenging fun with your age:)

#30 years, 30 less fears

#30 reasons to smile

#30daystothirty

*United we stand, divided we fall*

World War III

The war that threatened to wipe us out earlier in the year does not compare to the current battle we face

                                  This one....

Guns blazing (gloves doubled over steady hands)
Helmets donned (face shields)-at the forefront we stand.
Armed with (finite) tubes, lines and oxygen masks
The health care system has been handed a most gruelling task

To stave the vicious course of a rapidly destructive disease
That's hellbent on taking lives as if they were nothing but leaves.
Forget last words, wills, or final farewells
As it spares not even those who were otherwise well.

We've been stripped of our norms and daily routines, the familiar rhythm of our lives disrupted.
When the first concerning waves tickled the global shores scoffs and scorn erupted.
Our inherent weaknesses and fraility now exposed, our mortality stares raw at the edges;
We're warped in a warfare where every woman, man,boy and girl has a solemn responsibility working in the trenches
By staying home, isolating or quarantining
Praying, hoping while practicing (hopefully only physical) social distancing.

Compassion is on the witness stand as the judge of time tries and tests the true 'humanity'of humans
The jury being those admitted, dying and suffering.

Play your part,
Do your best.
This isn't a make believe story,conspiracy theory or supremacy test

• This is a battle-a worlwide war-between life and the sticky palms of death.

*United we stand, divided we fall*

Cloud 9

My dreams live here,
My visions and ideals sit and have tea.
My love soars here; here it feels it will endure eternity.

My happiness is plugged in here, topping up from time to time.
My mind travels here, on ocassion by someone taking it for a ride.
My peace dwells here, lying on pillows stacked high.

My heart belongs here,it makes such short sweet trips.
My body transcends here, from everything that transpires from a soulful kiss.
My painful muscles relax here, a spa day just for kicks.

My life dictates that I visit here, just to take off some edge.
I'm the flight attendant, the pilot, in training yet full fledged.

My problems don't get to come here, mindfully locked out.
My worries disappear here, rerouted, exited at the last roundabout.

How long can I stay here?
As long as I please!

Cloud 9, one 1 way ticket please

You

                       

There exists an enigmatic growing space inside my heart-I think it's just for you...
Gently dismantling walls brick by brick, you evenly make your way through.
Unhurried, eyes never far from the prize and the ultimate dream,
You make everything so much clearer and more bearable than they seem.

You calm me with soft, smooth, sweet words that speak life,
Words that leave your lips effortlessly like a dove gliding in midflight.
Words that conquer, words that build
Words that fill every void that there is to be filled.

You present an unmatched, undaunted and contagious energy.
Poise, confidence and class unite in a powerful synergy.
Talent, skills and vision meet at an exciting intersection
Yet humbly and admirably guided by divine hands for strength and direction.

You're like a reserve pair of batteries that every one surely needs.
But you'll only connect with just the right set of wires and leads.
You will never lack recharging if I can help it
You need more than just the occasional quick fix.

A supportive endless source of loving energy is just what you deserve
As you continue to give (me) a taste of life that has never before been served.
I like this cuisine, I bring dessert and wine too
Let's dine where the best of recipes meet; Waiter, life, shall we have a table for two?

Start line...?

         * United we stand,divided we fall*